Fairy nap aside

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Fairy nap aside

All plans to go to bed went out the window, one reason I do not always like having to have a rest in the afternoon.

I have just run out of data on my cell phone, not worth paying for anymore as I am due for a new lot in four days, how we rely on having data to keep us going let alone keeping a business running, I am truly blessed that I have wifi at my house sit, otherwise I would be totally lost.  As yet again I search for places to hire for my shows.

I am off on a road trip to Te Aroha tomorrow and will be looking at the little theatre there before heading off to The Thames coast looking at another theatre and hall in between the garage for Keltic Star.

I have decided that somewhere in between this I have to have some fun and have decided to take Saturday off, morning at least to do the Thames market before heading to the base and of course catch up with friends on the way back.

It is so easy to get lost in one’s work and miss out on seeing friends or having fun which seems to be my issue at present.  The dogs I am looking at have more fun that I do, that is sad.

So a reminder to myself is to relax have fun, and take a chill pill, as the reminder from my mother Rome was not built in a day and also it’s time to go to bed.  The family night owl, early start tomorrow so good night peeps…..

 

 

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Giggle moment

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Giggle moment

Laughing is the best medicine for sure but more when you totally go blank when you are standing in a room, no idea why one is standing there, or what you came in for.

It happens to all of us, funnier when John one of the rallies in spirit also looks at me blankly, then with a smile giggles as he hits his head after I end up picking up the landline to ring my cell phone.

It is one of those days for sure and even more when I end up coughing as I have forgotten to breathe.  My brain is tired, way too much over thinking one thinks, let alone I have to organise myself for a road trip tomorrow to check out 3 more venues for upcoming shows and to get Keltic Star’s muffler checked, I am sure there is a rattle there that wasn’t there last week. Glenn’s team is a godsend, travelling one and half hours to him is worth it.  I haven’t had the greatest experience with mechanics especially, this time, around with my bus. They kind see you coming to no experience and that dreaded thing you’re a woman seems to be plastered over your head.

Though male friends have said they get the same treatment, ah no, especially in one case I had a male friend with me and the guy talked to him and not me, though the week before I went and the price was at least $500 dearer, now it was $600 less go figure.

A Little voice in my head is telling me time to rest, and in this case, it is my own as I have a full on day tomorrow and Saturday, time to chat to the dogs and give them a smacko and feed the fish and go and have a fairy nap for an hour or two.

 

Voice of New Beginnings

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Voice of New Beginnings

With my forever grounding black plunger coffee, I am working out my marketing plan, with little voices popping up now in then telling me not to forget them, free advertising I like that, as they are spreading the word upstairs.

To hear voices, really I should have been put in Tokanui hospital with my mum years ago if that is the case.  It is not an easy journey one bit, especially when one is having a conversion with a friend and another voice butts in at the same time, I am blessed that my friends get me when sometimes in the conversation I would say, shut up, and then say not you. As I look at them sheepishly as the voice is laughing.

Reflecting back on my mum and the journey she went through really is no more different than mine in  away, though her voices I know were not nice ones at all, everytime she was given electric shock therapy to kill them off, a bit of her disappeared, as a memory comes flooding in with tears in my eyes.

I remember coming home from college in Te Awamutu, I was the last of the kids to leave home and mum and dad had retired early back to Te Awamutu. Asking dad where mum was to find she was back in Tokanui having another brain shock, then seeing her coming home with a blank sad look on her face, my mum had disappeared.  It wasn’t easy on dad one bit, my mum’s first know break down started in 1960 and ended in 1990 when she died.

I Asked dad where mum was to find she was back in Tokanui having another brain shock, then seeing her coming home with a blank sad look on her face, my mum had disappeared.  It wasn’t easy on dad one bit, wasn’t easy on me, my mum’s first know break down started in 1960 and ended in 1990 when she died.

I not so unlike my mum even though we were not close in one aspect, I carried my mum’s grief  in my DNA, she had lost a lot including four children and her upbringing was not the nicest, nowadays what my grandparents did back then they would have been locked up.  It was a different time for sure, cruelty they did was beyond the love I know my mother often sought from her very parents.

I never realised that by writing about this is healing for both mum and me, and yes people that have passed need healing too. Like putting things to rest.

My years with my mother did disappear, though at times I was logged ahead with her, she did get me, as we were going through the same journey on hearing voices or seeing, though we both never talked about it.  There was a knowing for sure. As my mum smiles at me as I write this.

Her spiritual attachments or yuckiness I called them though mum called it the devil, also gave her suicidal thoughts, I grew up with a mother wanting to die till she was 73, her dying from a stroke was the best out ever, sad also, as I would often sit in her room at the rest home and hear my mother’s story and then the suicidal thoughts she had.

The medication and the shock therapy was also meant to stop those thoughts, how cruel is that the voices were bad enough let alone feeling suicidal at old age and getting them shocked so they would go away.

Though really they didn’t as mum explains, ‘I just wanted to die, I was tired, I couldn’t take it anymore.’

Neither could I, I had suicidal thoughts throughout my marriage, I was married to an adult baby, which I did not find out till my honeymoon, how he hid that from me, he was my first, first boyfriend.  At the time when he told me he wet himself, I thought it was incontinence as I worked at Tokanui Hospital at the time, all my clients were incontinent, never knowing then, in my early 20’s that it was a mental disorder and he believed he was a baby and I was his mother. All I wanted to be was a mother to a baby, not an adult one.

Weirdest thing those thoughts do come back to haunt me from time to time like they did for my mother, when I am at a real low, sometimes I have to tune in to find out if it is mine or someone else or those terrible yuckies attached to me, like they were to my mother, God rest her soul.

Looking back from where I am now and my past baggage I brought through, I never thought I would be standing on stage in my own show and travelling around New Zealand in my home and bus Keltic Star instead I thought I would be in a wheelchair or worse dead.

Upstairs had a plan as I do, time to get my thinking cap on, chill have some lunch and sing for my supper, maybe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rome was not built in a day

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Rome was not built in a day

A gentle reminder by my mother as I am working on my travelling tour, as I have plenty to do, though less than a month to do it, what was one thinking.

I have to look after myself is the continual reminder I get in my head.

One not too over tire itself which is a habit from the past, as yet I organise another event, this time, it is a travelling tour of New Zealand to all towns and districts that start with a T.

I have just finished off two pieces of pizza for breakfast  which was brought in by my supporters or sponsors you can say last night as we went through things, for the umpteen time for the show in Te Awamutu at my little Theatre.

It is not the easiest thing to do is a tour, especially when it is your first and finding sponsors is another thing, how many people want to sponsor a psychic healing show, not many.  With a budget of $501.00 I need all the assistance I can get, in this case, I have found four amazing people who are gifting me their time, their time to listen to me, to guide me and do a lot of walking for me delivering flyers, being my box office and helping out at the show night.

What more can a girl ask for, so thank you goes to my Angels

Wendy from unicorns-n-pheasants in Cambridge, for your encouragement, laughter, tears, support, time and gifted talent you are gifting for the upcoming shows

Bryan from Mitchell Kilt Hire for your advice at times, laughter and time for gifting your talent at my show

 

Glenda for her Theatre advice, sewing ability and support

Brian being the Boxoffice, Theatre advice and reading my emails and support

For all the friends and family who are feeding me, gifting me things gifting me a home and internet to work from and just being my rock and being there.  Starting my T tour in Te Awamutu my home-base is the best thing I have done, due to the support I have been given. Truly Blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Journey till now

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My Journey till now

It has been an interesting Journey to get here right now, never in my days I would have thought I would be doing this, let alone writing about it.

Where have I come from and where I am going to go to, is a story in its own right, I look back on my life and think wow I survived that, how the….

It hasn’t been easy one bit, boy it has been a roller coaster ride, though they say we learn lessons from it, yes and no, some I repeated over and over again, till I finally gave it a flick.

Where to now, as I giggle to myself, with my coffee in tow as I sit and think.  What am I getting myself into?  The joys of being self-employed for me being time rich and having time, though sometimes I wish the voices in my head would shut up, too much time for them, as I hear a giggle in my head, and a voice say, they will think you are crazy talking like that.

I suppose I am no more different from my mother who heard voices in her head, though they did horrible things to stop hers coming out. I learnt to keep quiet about the voices in my head, though at the time  I personally thought one was talking to one’s self. When I did let on to a selective few, one wishes she hadn’t back then talking to the dead was not a thing one talked about and especially being a Catholic, unless you were talking to God, it was frowned upon.

I think that’s why for years I did shut up or when I did say something like what on occasion I saw in the back yard, to be told I had a vivid imagination, it came in my writings as a young girl writing stories about world war two.  Back then I did not know I was writing stories from past lives I had been in, I only know that now as an adult as I show people their past life in a reading.

Yes, I talk to dead people, God, Angels, animals and my guides and yes they answer back.

I reflect back as a memory pops in about my poor mother as I hold her hand as she is wheeled into the operating theatre for yet another electric shock therapy session at Waikato hospital, to stop the voices, to stop the devil.  My heart is breaking as I think about it, now as the tears roll, even in her 70’s the treatment was still happening.  I remember working at Tokanui hospital, with my mum cringing, not wanting people to find out she was there, and I was not under any circumstances to visit her there while I was working at Tokanui, the thought, the name had such a horrible reputation back then, still does even after it has been closed for years.  Mum always went to the ward where people had nervous breakdowns.

Looking back, not just the voices she heard her journey was not a nice one one bit, that is another story. Heartbreaking and more that I never bonded with my mother, till a probably year before her death at the age 73.

Lot of that has to be due to being, separated at birth from my mother, that was the start of my journey and hearing and seeing voices one could say, God wasn’t ready for me yet, though pushing up daisies would have been on the plans if it wasn’t for him and Jesus leading me away from the light.

I spent six weeks of my wee life been brought up by strangers in a hospital km away, fighting for me to live, while my mum was at home looking after my siblings on the farm in Springdale.

I grew up as an adult feeling abandonment no idea where or why one should be feeling it. till you go through it, you do not realise what it can do to you.  Having six weeks without my mother did it to me, which was sad for all.  I grew up never been able to connect with her.

I have a better relationship with my mother now she is in spirit than I did with her when she was alive.  She comes regularly to check on me, the old nurse in her pops in when I am not 100% or the reminder to look after me as I spend hours working on my business.

She is sitting on the couch now as I am typing, reminding me that Rome was not built in a day, now that is differently another story, as I will explain more in my next blog why she said that.

The voices are part of me, a blessing at times, annoying also when one hears a voice at 2 or 3, as a spirit has no sense of time. So being time rich as my friend Matariki told me, is not always the greatest when someone in spirit wants to visit or much to their delight tell Maggie gal what to do.

So the journey has begun, the doors have opened and new beginnings have already started, man it has taken a few years to get here, I will tell you in the end if it was well the journey or not.

 

 

 

Don’t give a Frick

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Don’t give a Frick

I have decided to start a club called don’t give a Frick, I always use surrender box for clients, have noticed recently that the boxes name has been changed to Don’t give a Frick by them.

How our society has changed, I have found manners have gone out the window, and people do not value your time as much as they did in the past.  After a client who was booked in for hour talked for three hours and then asked the same question again as I was making a dash to the bathroom wash one’s hand, as I was trying to leave, and then paid me for one hour session as that is all she had as she unwrapped the money out of the tissue she had. I clearly could see she was lonely and needed to talk, I also needed to be elsewhere, my time is as precious as hers.  I got to the stage I didn’t give a frick as I sat there listening to her story at times confusing, and the money didn’t matter as I could clearly see this was a lot for her, as she apologised for taking up my time, and wondering if she can book my services again next time I was in town. I humbly left being an hour late for my next venture.  But by not giving a frick about time and money, that I made someone’s day a bit rosier and even mine.  As it is a two-way street.  I was trained that clients always come first, over the years I have also put myself there also.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of everyone else’s bull-shit, cause it is, as a PaxStar8 coach I have noticed in the last 17 years on how people have changed, or is it I have become more aware of the shit people are carrying and a lot of them are carrying other people’s bull-shit as a client recently pointed out. I am so over it, she said, they think they can dump their shit and go, I feel dirty all the time, I am so over people.

Admittedly I feel the same sometimes, especially when someone thinks it is okay to ring at 10.12pm to make and appointment, after they told me in the morning they could not afford my service, sad but true, I throw them into my I don’t give a frick box and blow it up, I surrendered how they made me feel, angry as they woke me up, after I worked a ten hour day.  It is magic, sad though I sometimes have to throw people in there too, but it works it releases so much.

I never thought of throwing people into the box, till I was asked one day if they could, I said go ahead wow, it was the best session ever, and my client walked away giggling on what he had just done.

I have also used this box on Keltic Star my home, after all, it is part of me.  Do I give a frick?

So we can choose to give a frick or not, to get on with life or not.  I wish I had the box when I was getting myself well as I would have blown up a lot of things and my recovery would have been way quicker.  That is life is it not.  So to give a frick or not is a choice, so the best tool is to imagine a box in front of you, any size you want, even the size of a football field and whatever colour and place all the things including people into it. You have a choice to blow it up, machine gun it or burn it, or you can use a physical box  and then burn it, once it has gone you will feel lighter and more at peace and you will be able to reach for the stars like PaxStar8